Moving…Again

As we prepare for our short-notice need to move situation I feel overwhelmed by “one more thing” in a life that seems characterized more by the presence of transition than the absence. In many ways it feels like my life is a transitional one, always moving to another place or thing, always in flux in one way or another. In the past it was easy to transition because we only had one other person to worry about, now there are three others, and that makes things complicated. One of my disciplines in times of stress is to stop and write poetry about what is happening so that my emotions find an avenue of expression. With the current batch of transitions, it feels like that well is dry and that my emotions are so tangled that expressing them is nearly impossible. I am disoriented. As I go to the Psalms I once again resonate with the Psalms of the depths. I pray with the words of David:

Psalm 28:1 Eternal One, I am calling out to You;
    You are the foundation of my life. Please, don’t turn Your ear from me.
If You respond to my pleas with silence,
    I will lose all hope like those silenced by death’s grave.
Listen to my voice.
    You will hear me begging for Your help
With my hands lifted up in prayer,
    my body turned toward Your holy home.

It is all to easy to mouth the platitudes in order to not hear people giving “advice” on how to make things better, or worse trot out that “All things work to the good of those who served the Lord” quote. Unsolicited advice from me: Under no circumstances quote the All things work together passage to someone who is experiencing any kind of rough time, it just makes them angry. The reality now is that I have to move because of someone else’s financial errors, my brother had brain surgery that I couldn’t be there for, I have a huge proposal that is being brought to my congregation this weekend that impacts the future of the church, my 1 year old is incredibly strong-willed, and my almost 6 year old is needing my full emotional support to make it through this move well. My plate is overfilled and it feels like my cup is running dry.

So I share with you this prayer for transition that I cry out to God

My Cup Underfloweth

God, Seriously.

This is a bit much.

I try to hold it all together and I can’t

The ball has not only been dropped, but has also rolled away

I don’t remember half of the details I have forgotten in this over whelming time

And I have no energy to pick up what I have dropped

Forget about looking for where dropped balls rolled

My cup underfloweth

I have cast my four letter prayers at you

In the hope that your Spirit translates the weariness behind them

My soul needs rest but finds only more labor, more burdens

I long for the green pastures and still waters

But my cup of faith underfloweth

I know you are with me

But right now I need more than presence

I need to be refilled with your peace and strength

I don’t have enough to get through one more transition in a lifelong line

And the food that I turned to for comfort is put aside in one more transition

My cup of strength underfloweth

I cry out to you my rock

In the hope that my words aren’t in vain

That you are there to fill me again with good things

That you really are there to take my burden and replace it

with the yoke that is easy and the burden that is light

I need your grace and mercy to fill  me again

Help me trust you to carry your end

My cup of trust underfloweth

God, seriously.

I need a refill.

 
Creative Commons License
My Cup Underfloweth by Gilbert George is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://extrovertedquaker.wordpress.com/2014/05/13/moving-again/.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://extrovertedquaker.wordpress.com.

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4 responses to “Moving…Again

  1. That is a lot on your plate. I’ll make sure to hold you in the Light this evening and I hope things calm down a bit in the relatively near future.

  2. You are in my thoughts and prayers. at times like this there are no words only silence. I love you and God loves you also,
    count your self blessed.

  3. Deut 33:25 Gil, you are in my thoughts and prayers. You may not think so right now, but you’re gonna make it. psalm 37, psalm 62, and psalm 84

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