As we prepare for our short-notice need to move situation I feel overwhelmed by “one more thing” in a life that seems characterized more by the presence of transition than the absence. In many ways it feels like my life is a transitional one, always moving to another place or thing, always in flux in one way or another. In the past it was easy to transition because we only had one other person to worry about, now there are three others, and that makes things complicated. One of my disciplines in times of stress is to stop and write poetry about what is happening so that my emotions find an avenue of expression. With the current batch of transitions, it feels like that well is dry and that my emotions are so tangled that expressing them is nearly impossible. I am disoriented. As I go to the Psalms I once again resonate with the Psalms of the depths. I pray with the words of David:
Psalm 28:1 Eternal One, I am calling out to You;
You are the foundation of my life. Please, don’t turn Your ear from me.
If You respond to my pleas with silence,
I will lose all hope like those silenced by death’s grave.
2 Listen to my voice.
You will hear me begging for Your help
With my hands lifted up in prayer,
my body turned toward Your holy home.
It is all to easy to mouth the platitudes in order to not hear people giving “advice” on how to make things better, or worse trot out that “All things work to the good of those who served the Lord” quote. Unsolicited advice from me: Under no circumstances quote the All things work together passage to someone who is experiencing any kind of rough time, it just makes them angry. The reality now is that I have to move because of someone else’s financial errors, my brother had brain surgery that I couldn’t be there for, I have a huge proposal that is being brought to my congregation this weekend that impacts the future of the church, my 1 year old is incredibly strong-willed, and my almost 6 year old is needing my full emotional support to make it through this move well. My plate is overfilled and it feels like my cup is running dry.
So I share with you this prayer for transition that I cry out to God
My Cup Underfloweth
This is a bit much.
I try to hold it all together and I can’t
The ball has not only been dropped, but has also rolled away
I don’t remember half of the details I have forgotten in this over whelming time
And I have no energy to pick up what I have dropped
Forget about looking for where dropped balls rolled
My cup underfloweth
I have cast my four letter prayers at you
In the hope that your Spirit translates the weariness behind them
My soul needs rest but finds only more labor, more burdens
I long for the green pastures and still waters
But my cup of faith underfloweth
I know you are with me
But right now I need more than presence
I need to be refilled with your peace and strength
I don’t have enough to get through one more transition in a lifelong line
And the food that I turned to for comfort is put aside in one more transition
My cup of strength underfloweth
I cry out to you my rock
In the hope that my words aren’t in vain
That you are there to fill me again with good things
That you really are there to take my burden and replace it
with the yoke that is easy and the burden that is light
I need your grace and mercy to fill me again
Help me trust you to carry your end
My cup of trust underfloweth
I need a refill.
My Cup Underfloweth by Gilbert George is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://extrovertedquaker.wordpress.com/2014/05/13/moving-again/.
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